Spring Break Shark Attack was amazing. Just not in a good way.
The pivotal scene in the movie: an army of shark fins appear on the horizon, swimming directly towards a beach filled of spring breakers having an obnoxiously good time.
How do our heroes react to this ghastly sight? Run away, of course. There's something about a brave mission to spread "chum" and attract the sharks' attention -- but while preperations are being made, the sharks are having a fiesta on college meat. Our heroes 'forgot' to warn anybody about the impending slaughter.
By the time lead motley crew draw the sharks away, the damage has been done. Hundreds of casualties litter the beach (okay, dozens -- with many shown twice). I get the feeling the writers just hated spring breakers; this was particularly evident in the scene with the partier lounging in a floating chair, beer in hand. He gets tossed around briefly, goes under, and we are greeted with a spray of bloody water nearly ten feet tall.
Awesome. Small-screen fantasy vengeance for anyone who's ever been to an obnoxious party and wondered how on earth people could be enjoying themselves through such nonsense. Of course, the same could be said for me sitting at home and enjoying Shark Attack.
Now CBS needs to make a movie where party-pooper-couch-potatos are violently ripped to shreds by maurading bands of mutant possums. I can see the animatronic puppets now; teeth dripping with bloody strands of sinew. If only they could get Liv Tyler to star as the reserved student who comes to a small midwestern town for summer vacation. She finds herself caught up in a plot thick with escaped lab experiments, clueless binge drinkers, and a bookworm geek type with a device whose sole reason for existance can only be deus-ex plot resolution. (The geek would, of course, be my role.)
Independence Day Possum Massacre, coming this July.
Now, if you'll excuse me I think I hear something in the living ro-----.
Posted by eric at March 20, 2005 10:48 PM
Comments
I did a post about the same thing. What a waste of boobs.
Posted by: Becka at March 21, 2005 09:40 AM
A waste?? How could you possibly put them to BETTER use than in a spring-break-gone-wrong killer animal story?
Posted by: Eric at March 21, 2005 09:49 AM
Easy. They could have not been wearing shark teeth around them. :)
Posted by: Becka at March 21, 2005 03:45 PM