4:05 EST: NASA TV is kind of like flying a jet fighter (or so I've heard): Long hours of boredom followed by moment of sheer terror. No such terror evident right now. Mostly shots of engineers in their native habitat in front of a data plot. They're broadcasting from Pasadena. I'm not sure that "Pasadena, we have a problem" will sound quite as good as that other famous quote.
Something happens. Cheers!
Anonymous voice: "That was easy."
More excitement: there's a "slew to burn attitude" coming up!
4:07 EST: Spacecraft has spun around to point its engines in the direction it's travelling. Their connection speed has dropped to 160 bits a second. It's like getting your integers through a sippy straw. (Try playing WoW at that speed!)
4:12 EST: Awww, isn't that cute. NASA TV has some nice animations and pre-taped talking heads lined up to explain exactly what's going on. I'm not sure I like it very much. Where are the rampaging hordes of acronyms? The authoritative but unhelpful commentary?
Part of the fun is pretending you know what's going on! C'mon, NASA.
4:20 EST: "Burn FID" "LAT Flush". "Gimbals to dual-redundant powered hold". Much better.
4:24 EST: They're passing around a "bottle of nuts" for good luck. How. Appropriate.
4:25 EST: "Burn baby burn". The rocket starts right on time. Clapping!
THIS GUY JUMPS UP ON HIS DESK AND STRIPS HIS CLOTHES OFF!! GERRRROSSSS! He's pouring the aforementioned nuts over his disgustingly pale body! I can't look...
4:28 EST: I was just kidding about that last thing. I don't know what came over me. The engines "are accumulating on time". Which in English means: "Looks like the rocket scientist who designed them gets to keep his job."
4:34 EST: Old man Mission Director talks about aerobraking. Riveting. Science will happen. Maps are displayed. (Sheeeyit! 3-D charts to boot!)
4:44 EST: Engineers looking much more bored than before. Maybe they've also been watching NASA TV coverage of themselves.
4:46 EST: Noooooooooooooooo! The orbiter has decided to start playing peekaboo with us behind Mars. Real nice, great timing.
4:53 EST: I don't think the guy that's front and center on NASA's feed knows that he's on camera. He keeps fiddling and flipping through papers, that is, when he's not picking his nose. Inexplicable shot of good looking redhead. More interviews with "Project Managers" and their ilk. Let's not forget that it's Friday afternoon in Pasadena too. They're people just like us. They've been cooped up in the office all week and wish they could pack it in, but they can't! That's what being in charge of a multimillion dollar operation gets you: screwed up weekends.
5:03 EST: There's a "radiation queue" file for sending signals to the orbiter. Awesome. I'll have to start calling SOMETHING a "radiation queue", it's too macho a phrase to pass up.
They have to send signals to Mars a little early because it takes so long to get there. Kind of like second-class postage.
5:09 EST: The "Deep Space Network" exists and apparently is not an extraterrestrial CNN. Apparently they use huge dishes like Charlie Sheen did in "The Arrival". Man that was an awesome movie. The aliens totally had backwards-jointed knees.
5:12 EST: Just a few more minutes now before the orbiter decides to come out and start talking. People are eating pastries. I don't understand how they can eat at a time like this!
All of the workstations have blue triangles sitting atop their monitors that announce who they belong to. "Ground Data Systems". "Flight Tracking". "Operations". If I had a blue triangle, it would say "The Dude".
5:16 EST: MRO PHONES HOME!!!!! Hells yeah! The previously staid scene devolves into bacchanalian chaos. There's a huge round of "put 'er theres", and "right on the moneys".
5:25 EST: BOO-YAH GRANDMA! It looks like the ship won't skitter off into space after all. It's safely in orbit. People walking around like the Cubs just won the pennant and the 49ers just won the division title. Or maybe like Pauly Shore just won an oscar.
Anonymous voice: "How 'bout them cowboys!" Wha??
5:25 EST: The project director that all of the TV coverage was scripted. The nerve. But -- everything looks good and I've wasted enough time in front of Yahoo's crappy media player. Hoorah for large-ish victories.